I HATE this.

I feel like such a failure today. I keep procrastinating. I woke up, ate a sandwich for breakfast (250) and had a coffee (50). I was going to study before work but I just managed to take out and organize my notes. Then my sister came from school and it was a good enough excuse for me to stop studying. when did I become this lazy? I used to be on top of my shit all the time. Now that I think about it, I started failing at everything when I started my 'dieting'. And I'm not even successfull at that. I don't want to die but I wish I just never existed. Or maybe I should just suck it up and start doing something, make my mom proud. I need to, she deserves it. I have to figure out a way to do everything right. I was thinking of making a schedule for each day to make sure I got everything done. I just have to do something productive each day so that I don't feel like a complete loser. All I do is go to school and work. I avoid socializing as much as I can, unless it involves weed. And that has to change too. I will finish what I have left, quit smoking and find a job as a pharm tech. I paid over a thousand dollars to get certified, it can't go to waste. And I need it to get into a pharmacy program.
Oooooh life, you are exhausting. I will probably end up staying up all night to study. I just need to do good for the next two weeks and my grades will be just fine. I have to go to work soon. I WON'T EAT. I have to believe that. When I get home, maybe I'll have a grapefruit. But that seems impossible if I stay up all night. I have to go to sleep so that I don't eat anything unnecessary, and wake up really early. I will go to the library for a few hours to study and I will be safe there. Sounds like a plan :)
If I stick to the plan, my total will be less than 400! I WILL. I'm going to a concert in two weeks that I've been dreaming about for years. There's going to be a crowd of sexy girls and I don't want to be the fat bitch among them. I just need to get to my lowest weight. Still fat, but not hopeless.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GPqHBwoJqaQ&feature=related great song :)