Give 'Healthy' a try?

So I was thinking that this whole ed thing really got me. It just doesn't scare me enough to try stopping it. I noticed it a few days ago.. A couple of months ago I was so depressed that all I wanted to do was leave somewhere where I can be invisible. I was just miserable:tears, panic and sadness. And I very rarely cried before that - I always wanted to think I'm tough, so every time i wanted to cry I just took a couple deep breaths and thought how much of a loser I am. It always worked. But then I lost it, nothing made sense anymore and I didn't think there's a purpose in life.
Then, in the past few weeks I've been feeling a lot better. I think it's because I realized that there is no purpose, nothing matters anymore. So I was like 'fuck it', and started having more fun. I still feel like shit about my looks but sometimes I manage to just leave it alone and let myself be happy for a moment. And I am slowly becoming happy.. I think. I just think there is hope. Maybe the purpose of life is to just live it. And have as much fun as you can :)
And just a few minutes ago it hit me - if I feel better now, maybe I should give healthy weight loss a chance again. I am so sick of being lazy! I used to work out all the time and I seriously thought it doesn't do shit if I'm still covered in fat. But now that I stopped for a few months I can see MORE fat on me, even though I weight LESS! Crazy shit. Technically, I knew that but I never really took it seriously. It's going to be hard now that I'm such a lazy bitch. So on Monday I will start serious diet/workout thing. I'm not sure what exactly I will do but I can work on that. I probably will attempt Insanity again because I enjoyed it the more. Or p90x if things get too intense.. Yes, I have both - I literally have tried everything but I also failed at everything. If anyone is reading this I would really appreciate some support. I will post pictures and all the info and progress to try and stay motivated.

Anyways!! I went to a sick concert last Sunday. Hardwell and Porter Robinson. The music was soo good and we were also rolling. If you haven't been to a house/ electronic dance music concert, let me tell you!! You will have the best time of your life! Loud music, amazing lights, plenty of really hot guys, nice people, everybody pretty much loves each other. Even if you're not a fan of house music, I promise you, you will love it! I went again the next day because they were playing again and my friends were going to some lame NYE parties. I was completely sober that day and it was still just as fun! Seriously the best nights of my life. I   Next time I go, I'm definitely rolling again but getting high or drunk is just as good and a lot cheaper.


Another thing I'm excited about (pshhh.. I am basically living it for the past month) is EDC aka Electric Daisy Carnival. I am going to the one in Vegas in the summer with some friends and I just know it will be epic. The tickets are going on sale on the 9th and I have to be ready the minute they start selling because there bitches sell out like fresh cookies! I really hope we are gonna be able to get them!